I recently graduated from a reputed college and hail from a happy family where I received a good upbringing. I have been grappling with a question which I didn’t feel comfortable sharing with my parents. Despite going to a school that was co-educational, I did not get involved with boys romantically though I was judged for this by my school mates. However, these days I have been having thoughts of developing a healthy relationship with a man who shares my feelings and who respects me.
With this intention, I began observing the men in my college. I shared my plan with my close friend and with her help we zeroed in on a guy who we considered a good candidate. She gathered details about him without his knowledge and we found out that he is from a reputed family and is about to begin a job at a firm. Not just that, he was also good-looking. I had also received a few job offers and was planning to begin working soon.
However, before going ahead and approaching him, I wanted to get an objective opinion about my plan– whether it is the right step? What are possible consequences? The SAHAI counsellor I spoke to asked me to consider all aspects of a relationship before initiating it. He said that since both of us are entering the professional arena for the first time, I should keep in mind that this will bring with it a whole new set of relationships into my life- from bosses and co-workers to hierarchies of all sorts. Navigating these relationships will involve learning new skills and a considerable amount of energy. Besides, he asked me to take into account factors that might affect my prospective relationship- such as our pay packages, where we are posted, work timings, personal ambition and so on.
And since I had decided that if the relationship wasn’t to my liking, I would leave him, the counsellor said that once I have known a person intimately, did I think I would emerge unscathed if the relationship does not work out. Sharing my mind and life in depth with another person would obviously bring with it considerable pain if I choose to leave the relationship.
He asked me to consider establishing myself in my career especially since I also had plan to pursue a Master’s degree and then begin choosing a person who is worthy of me. After this, I took some time to think about all the factors which the counsellor asked me to consider while making a decision and the measured advice I got from SAHAI really helped me make a wise choice.